Only 18 Summers
How to make a perfect life... or not
My husband was watching one of those house fix-up shows and the family, who was buying a second home for vacations, mentioned that they were doing it for their kids because "They are only with us for 18 summers."
Husband reflected on all the things we haven't done in the summers (and other times) and wondered whether we have given our children "enough." We have not traveled much as a family, nor visited a lot of theme parks, nor done some other typical family things. He worried that our children missed out, or we have otherwise done them wrong, by not having more and doing more.
I feel differently.
My husband and I have been very invested in our children. We have attended sporting events, presentations, band concerts, school conferences, and more. Both of our children have required different kinds of specialized healthcare, and we've gotten them to every specialist and therapy session. We've helped with homework and school projects. We've supported their hobbies, passions, and pursuits.
We also have a houseful of pets, which is my passion, but they have helped the kids learn to be kind, caring, and empathetic to other species. We've also had lots of laughs with the animals and lots of love, too.
My kids have had a good upbringing. I'm sure of it.
The thing about life is that there is no single correct path. Each choice we make is a fork in the road, and there are so many choices! We only get one trip (that we know of), so it feels like we need to do everything right to have the perfect life, but the trick is that there is no perfect life. Perfection is impossible because each person has their own ideas about what perfect is, and those ideas change as we grow. So we really should let go of trying to make our children's (or our own) lives "perfect," or to be the perfect parent or the perfect person. It won't happen, no matter how hard we try.
We’ll just get stressed out and anxious trying.
Every decision we make has multiple ramifications. For example, by choosing a private religious school, your child may get a great education (or not) in a protected environment, but they may miss out on interacting with people of different faiths, which could affect their empathy levels and understanding of a wider variety of people. Or maybe it won't. You really don't know. All you can do is make the decision you think is best and try to make up for the losses as they come. It’s a wild ride.
When I look back on my childhood, most memories are pretty fuzzy. I have snapshots or short scenes from vacations or special events. I have many other little memories from acrobatics lessons I took, dinners at home and with my grandparents, playing cards with family, being sick and home from school and playing Sorry with my mom, laying like "two spoons in a drawer" in my mom's bed, helping my dad with a project like a boat trailer repair, that sort of thing. I remember being 5 years old in a hospital getting my adenoids out and seeing my mom sleeping on the floor next to my bed with a white sweater thrown over her as a blanket. I remember playing on the phones in my dad’s office when he had to go in on a weekend and laughing as I paged my brother in another room. I bet you have memories like these, too.
Most of us don't remember the details of childhood in any concrete way. We have some distinct memories that we file away in special folders in our minds, but the vast majority of every day got tossed in a general file in a jumble. But that file is far from useless. It contains the pieces of who you are. The love, safety, and security you experienced daily when your parents put food on the dinner table or, later, gassed up your car for you, are a big part of what made you YOU. And if you didn't have those things, that played a big part in who you are as well. All the day-to-day stuff makes more of an impact on the person you became (and continue becoming) than a summer vacation at the beach. The vacation isn't a bad thing, of course. It's just not the only way to build a child into a good, happy human being. It might not even be the best way.
Honestly, your 11-year-old will likely be more affected by the way you handle a minor traffic accident caused by someone being stupid than they will by looking at historic buildings in France.
That's just my take on it. Your mileage may vary.
PS - I love you, Mom and Dad!
News
My book, Ready to Run, Vol. 1 - Agility Skills & Drills for Small Spaces, is selling well in its second printing. If you are a dog agility person, you might want to check it out :)
I also have a dog training class starting up. Backyard Training Matters: A Weekly Training Group begins May 7th. It’s six weeks long and it offers a very supportive training environment for dog agility enthusiasts from Novice to Masters. If you are a dog agility person, please check it out. We have a lot of fun in that group, and this time we are playing a series of games, too!
In Case You Like to Read
I read nonfiction books or articles when I want to learn something, but if I’m reading fiction, it’s for entertainment purposes only. I love a light-hearted, fun book with great characters.
Jana DeLeon is one of my favorites for writing total escapist fun! Her Miss Fortune series is awesome! The first book in the series, Louisiana Longshot, is free as a Kindle book and only $.99 as an Audiobook. It’s $12.99 as a paper copy. The series follows CIA assassin Fortune Redding, who is forced to pretend to be a beauty queen librarian in a small Louisiana town because an arms dealer put a bounty on her head and there’s a leak in the CIA. She’s totally out of her element and winds up finding herself in the middle of a murder mystery, but, as the author says, "Fortune teams up with a couple of seemingly sweet old ladies whose looks completely belie their hold on the little town.”
The books make me imagine what it’s like to be a total badass while also making me laugh. TOTAL WIN!
As an Amazon Associate, I may earn a small amount from qualifying purchases in the links above. (The first book is free, so… yeah, I’m not good at this sales thing.)
See you next week!
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Great perspective on raising kids. I agree 100%