The Calm After the Storm
A story that isn't about storms.
Last week, our daughter met a major milestone as our family celebrated her high school graduation. It’s going to be really different for us to no longer be a part of the rhythms of the county’s school year. She’ll be moving to a college a couple of hours north of us, so there will still be some school stuff in our lives, but it won’t be the same. Our son will keep taking college classes online and working part-time (did you like my rhyme?). So, next year, there will be no recorded phone calls from an assistant principal telling us to make sure our kids don’t “bring their midriffs to school,” no permission slips, no swim meets to cheer for, and no Honors presentations to brag about.
That’s a big change.
Also last week, we celebrated another milestone of a more personal kind. Eight years ago, my daughter suffered from shallow water blackout. She drowned but was fortunately pulled out and resuscitated by attentive lifeguards. She spent two nights in the hospital and months fully recuperating, although she was mostly feeling okay within a few weeks. (You can read more about it here.)
Of course, we are extremely grateful for the positive outcome of such a terrible and potentially devastating accident. In fact, every year, we celebrate the anniversary with cake and sometimes a gift or two. As a 10-year-old when it all happened, she named it “Death Day” (a nod to Harry Potter’s Nearly Headless Nick), and we get “Happy Death Day” written on our regular fudge-iced cake (except for the year that the bakery balked at the word “death,” which was weird). This year, I gave her a new swimsuit. The irony is strong.
Before the accident, I never considered what life was like for someone whose child survived a near-death experience. I guess I figured that the parents were relieved, and then they went back to the rest of their lives.
I did not find this to be the case.
I wrote about my feelings shortly after the accident, so I don’t want to rehash that here. But I can definitely say that, all these years later, I’m a changed person through this experience.
I’m not sure everyone in my family weathered the experience the same way I did. Maybe the difference was because I was present for the resuscitation, or just because I am who I am. But I do feel changed, even now. In fact, over the years, I’ve leaned into it even more, branching off in a new direction and blossoming there, perhaps like a tree split by lightning and growing completely new limbs a few feet off its previous trajectory.
The best gift in life might be perspective. So many things seem trivial after a narrowly dodged tragedy. Life is lighter without the weight of the importance we attach to so many things. Seeing the fragility of life up close highlighted the beauty in it, and I’ve become more open to following my curiosity and noticing the small things that make life better.
I’ve felt less like proving myself and more like being myself. It’s a good change.
I’m still as overwhelmed as everyone else, but I do think that my altered perspective can make it easier to get through some of it. At least some of the time, anyway. I’ll take it.
You would think that I would have become more protective of my daughter after it happened, and for the first 18 months, I kept her close to soothe the knot in my stomach. But eventually, I realized that there was no logic in that. She’d nearly died while I was feet away in the locker room, but even if I’d been poolside, I couldn’t have changed what happened.
Things happen.
It doesn’t mean we should be reckless, but it also doesn’t mean we should live in a locked box. Irrational fear stunts growth and sucks the joy out of the short time we’re on this Earth.
At least, that’s the way I see it.
I actually got my daughter two swimsuits for Death Day and they are both so pretty (and needed).
Suit 1 (Her size is sold out now, but you can get the idea)
Suit 2 (It’s 10% off now! Dang it!)
Other things I’ve ordered recently:
These Airborne Vitamin C Gummies make me feel like I’m eating candy while supporting my immune system. LIKE!
Breathe Right strips because my nose is so stuffy when I sleep. These actually work! My nostrils feel bigger. Is that weird? Maybe. But it’s good weird.
Aquaphor Ointment because my allergist said I should put some on my itchy arms. It’s 11% off!
These dog biscuits because they are a good deal, my dogs like them as “go in your crate” treats, and they are made in the US.
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Thanks for reading! See you next week!